Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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