I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
