Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
