She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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