i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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