Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
