3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I would fuck him just for his dog
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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