Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
high people should be assigned attendants
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
