my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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