the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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