I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
