So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
