Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
