the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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