I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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