your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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