carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
