it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
