i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
and she was petting her beer can
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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