Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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