she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
we're so committed to being not committed
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
