i used baking grease as lip gloss
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
