Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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