So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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