Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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