man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
