she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
