Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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