I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
