Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Are we still banned from the library?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
