woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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