remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
