I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
