Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Houston, we have a blender
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
