He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
