I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
