he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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