Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
