Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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