Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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