I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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