i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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