their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
