THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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