Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
