Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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