Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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