I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize