he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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