Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
