I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
