Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
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