I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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