first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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