I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
