he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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