I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
