the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
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We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
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Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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