Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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