he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
