were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
