I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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