pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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