Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
