Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
