Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
