She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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