I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
