Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
