Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
