I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
