so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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