I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
