I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
