a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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