As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
