dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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