CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
