just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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