am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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