Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
