ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
