Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
