if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
