So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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