he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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