is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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