I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
